Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
