Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
