why didn't you poke me back
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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