I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
