did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Too much gin, very little bucket
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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