I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
