a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
