She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
