I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
