Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
