When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
