My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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