i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
