do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
