I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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