Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
