Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
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