K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
