how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
