Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
