Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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