The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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