Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
