somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
