That's intense
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
