How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
All I want is dick and wine.
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