I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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