You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
