Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
farters have to be the big spoon...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
