I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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