just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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