Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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