Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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