Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
