About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
But break dance skills will only take you so far
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
