i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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