You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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