since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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