You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
