Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
