are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
