she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
