He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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