I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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