I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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