i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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