my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize