Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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