She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
not ubering you a puppy
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
