There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
