he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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