If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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