if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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