my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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