If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
