I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
