my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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