Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
