Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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