he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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