i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
we're making bets on your personal life
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
