There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
