i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
