dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
