The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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