she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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