i need an iv and a liver transplant
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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