when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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