You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
