Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Houston, we have a blender
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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