even my farts smell like vagina
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
