i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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