I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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