My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize