Hey man sorry I got all grabby
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
