if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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