Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
