i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
