Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
